Jan, Kate Bowler:You and I are super chatty people, but you make an amazing pitch for silence, and I am all for it, because everyone always had these go-to things to say with me like, You can do it, or Youre so brave, and all the things that made me feel like I was on the other side of plexiglass. The words we speak, and the words spoken over us. Kate Bowler:Theres this other phrase, I was wrong, that has real power, and you learned that in a really intense way when your grandma died. Kelly Corrigan:So, I had to wait, and then finally we had a window, and I said, I was wrong. Kelly Corrigan:Yeah. She's a podcaster. Yeah. It just came out whole, and of course, to me its the most important and moving chapter in the book for sure. And then right on the heels of that, I think, What would Liz do for this?. Im so compassionate to that thing that happens every time you tell someone that you had cancer, which is the other person trying to figure out why its not going to happen to them as fast as possible. Read more on this here. I always asked her this when I wondered if I was handsome in any way. Weeks later, the missing hamster crawled out from under the stove. Thats where its at. Kelly Corrigan speaks with Maya Shankar about identity foreclosure, the trouble of cognitive forecasting, and new beginnings. Thats the word. Ten days before I was scheduled to defend my dissertation, English Policies, Curricular Reform and Teacher Development in Multilingual, Post-colonial Djibouti, I got the call. And the potted plant theory, I cant credit it to someone, Im sorry, I dont know who put it out there, but the idea is that if you were to have a plant in your kitchen, you might not be aware of it at all, and then if someone were to remove it, youd say What happened to that plant?. Its going to be great. She lives in Philly and I live in California. Forever? Shed do anything. I really appreciate it. Constance Wu and Kelly Corrigan in Lafayette, CA. You could do worse than to live by that one. Kate Bowler:Yeah. You dont have to bring it all. Im sorry to ask about the hard part, but would you mind telling me what happened? Ask anyone who has participated in a moment of silence. Kate Bowler:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kelly Corrigan:And so I didnt do it. But the fact is if I said, Tell me more, go on, what else, youd say the next thing, and the next thing, and the next thing, and it would be like the thing behind the thing, behind the thing is where really the pain is, and if I had waited way longer, I wouldve been able to say, Oh, I understand.. Corrigan, a New York Times bestselling author, gives her Brief But Spectacular take on the power of words. Kelly Corrigan:Dont get crumbs on the baby. Theres a title. Kelly Corrigan:And Im getting to walk with them way longer on their road, and I felt this sense that I could never possibly deserve that, that Im not that great a person, or a mom. Kelly Corrigan:I didnt die. Okay, great. Kelly Corrigan:Its like a game changer. You dont have to bring it all. Kilpy Im like, Yeah, right. So Kelly, welcome. Make the magic happen. Required fields are marked *. The successes of independent and feminist Marie Antoinette provoke jealousy and rivalry. Nobody who is between identities they can tolerate does, it seems to me something Ive actively struggled with and expect to go hand to hand with again, whether tomorrow or the day after. Kelly Corrigan:I mean, unless youre a monk, and youre meditating for 60 days in a mountain somewhere. Im so sorry youre not going to like any of my answers. Stay healthy. Each episode ends with a special Plus One segment, in which guests are invited to thank those that have supported them along their journey. We can remove the first show in the list to add this one. Thank you for adding to the number of not-normal, cry-at-the-drop-of-a-hat people in the world. Kelly Corrigan:Theres a thing Im aware of about eye contact between spouses, and you either make it, or you dont, and once youre aware that thats deeply meaningful, and that it has this kind of almost immeasurable, physiological effect on the other person, then you make an effort to look them in the eye, and that seems like such a small thing, but its actually definitional in terms of your relationship, in terms of whether its a good day, or a bad day, or a good interaction, or a bad interaction. Kate Bowler:Getting back to life has been really tricky. Kelly Corrigan:And Im getting to walk with them way longer on their road, and I felt this sense that I could never possibly deserve that, that Im not that great a person, or a mom. Duration: 3:0 Transcript HARI SREENIVASAN: Now to another in our Brief But Spectacular. Kate Bowler:Getting back to life has been really tricky. Jennifer Garner tells Kelly Corrigan how she inspires others to find their true passions. Phrases like I dont know, I was wrong, and one of my favorites, Its like this. Welcome to Kelly Corrigan Wonders, a place for people who like to laugh while they think and find it useful to look closely at ourselves and our weird ways in the hopes that knowing more and feeling more will help us do more and be better. Im so compassionate to that thing that happens every time you tell someone that you had cancer, which is the other person trying to figure out why its not going to happen to them as fast as possible. She had ovarian cancer, so she had fought it for seven years, and it was the kind of thing where I felt like I urgently wanted to deserve my life. Dont misread this, my mother was a loving woman, but she passed on this legacy, this painful legacy shed been burdened with, that women should take up as little space as possible, risk as little as possible, and hide our lights lest we make fools of ourselves. I guess everybody here, these children of mine and my husband, are just too damn busy to get on this, but Im not, so Ill do it, and then I was finishing, and I found a little pile of cut toenails on my kitchen table, and that. May you find Christ, comfort, and companions amidst the questions! (As consciously lesbian from about four-years old, believe it or not, I preferred handsome to pretty.) Maya Shankars Plus One is Christy Warren, a former first responder with 25 years of experience in the field. I mean, I dont know why you went with, Everything Happens for a Reason, because Dont get crumbs on the baby, that could be the follow up. The idea that any day could be this huge day, I dont know, that really gets me out of bed, you know? On Sundays, Kelly records a special podcast called, "Thanks for Being Here" where she reads the toasts and tributes that listeners have submitted about those they love. I went to see her one time. The book is full of warm and witty blessings found within the struggles of our shared humanity, from theNew York Timesbestselling authors ofGood Enough. To learn more about Everything Happens for a Reason (and Other Lies Ive Loved) by Kate Bowler, click here. You know, like it wasnt me. We have a lot to learn from you. I end up saying to my therapy clients, to my friends, and to my daughter both Change is hard and the stage-specific version of CIH, Middles are awful. Middles are awful: we have to either find language for an ambiguous state or give up on finding it: hard, sweaty work. So, I grew up with this sentence with my fathers voice in my head saying, Allah Kareem, God is generous., Cheryl:Our family motto is, Dont eat a hamster. Kelly Corrigan:Its like a game changer. Kelly Corrigan:Yeah. So, thats just the question in front of all of us. So, God is generous was my dads way of promising us a better future. She's an author. This is me writing a letter to Liz, and I wrote the whole thing, and I cried my eyes out the whole time I was writing it, and wiping my nose, and blowing my nose, and sitting back down, and Edwards like, You all right? And Im like, Im all right. Kelly Corrigan:The magic of Tell me more is you start telling me what youre upset about, and I fall for the first thing you say, and I start solving for that. Kate Bowler:Yeah. Ive read Tell Me More twice already. Leave a review on Apple Podcasts. I was wrong not to try to know her, and I could just see it in his face that it was like, Okay, you understand. Kelly Corrigan sits down with Melinda French Gates. She died this morning, and I was just sick to my stomach. For Dr. White was the first person who ever told Michael he could write. Team Everything Happens, Kate, I love that youre human- that you cry as easily as I do and that you say youre not normal as often as I do (me about myself of course!). You also realized there was incredible parenting magic in the phrase, Tell me more. So, what is this witchcraft you speak of? I went to see her one time. You could do worse than to live by that one. Kelly mentions the Potted Plant Theory of Parenting. Just do your best. The reach of language can be laughable.. As Teri said, He didnt have a drug problem, he had a life problem. Kate Bowler:Oh friend. Is this how you would have cared for my son?, and you end up fixating on all of these tiny little things, and at the same time, so overwhelmed by not being sure if its trivial or tragic. Kelly Corrigan:Sure, my pleasure. Kate Bowler:Yeah. Kate Bowler:I do think people offer certainties when they think that youre proof of something that scares them, and they cant just live in the uncertainty of not knowing for a minute. She died this morning, and I was just sick to my stomach. Today, Im speaking with New York Times bestselling author, Kelly Corrigan. Im coming. Kelly Corrigan:Well you know, its so funny. They swell, and constrict, and break, and forgive, and behold, because its like this, having a heart. Kelly Corrigan Full Transcript - Kate Bowler Everything Happens with Kate Bowler Kelly Corrigan: Tell Me More 30 00:00:00 30 Read more about this episode, and get show notes, here. Shed do dishes all day and into the night to just get to listen to her children, just to get to watch them through a one-way glass, you know? Yeah. Kelly shares her own "go to" mantra as well as two blessings from frequent Kelly Corrigan Wonders guest Kate Bowler and her co-author/friend/podcast producer Jessica Richie's beautiful and extremely useful book: The Lives We Actually Have (100 Blessings for Imperfect Days). Kelly Corrigan Wonders listeners will be familiar with Alexs story as we shared it in the episode A Mother Son Story of the Ultimate Transition and it was also replayed it in the For the Good of the Order feed. So, I just really went bananas, because on top of the shirt problem, I went downstairs to clean the kitchen, and I found everybodys bowls, and spoons, and cups, and I had that reaction that so many women have, which is, Well I guess Im the least busy. Kelly Corrigan is the best-selling author of "Tell Me More: Stories about the 12 Hardest Things I'm Learning to Say," and a proud graduate of the University of Richmond. Kelly Corrigan:I was perhaps proud about it honestly, and I was reading 7 Habits of Highly Effective People at night with my big fat yellow highlighter, and I was really full of attachment to this identity that I had painted for myself. Kelly Corrigan:So, she had to call someone and ask them to come over and zip her dress so she could go to the wedding. My life doesnt exactly fit into neat categories anymore. Shed do dishes all day and into the night to just get to listen to her children, just to get to watch them through a one-way glass, you know? It doesnt end, and also you cant live there. Its these seemingly trivial moments. Kelly has also agreed to be my friend as part of her contractual commitment to this podcast.

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